


A Gift From Death

by Splivy



Series: Dawn of Gold [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt Loki, M/M, Steve is trying his best, Suicidal Thoughts, and so is Loki, he is very confused, infinity war fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 18:02:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splivy/pseuds/Splivy
Summary: After the snap, Steve Rogers decides he needs to take some time for himself.However, he finds himself with some very unexpected company. That said company is extremely injured.He is way out of his depth.





	A Gift From Death

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I posted a thing earlier that explained my reasoning for rewriting this series, and I’m very glad I did it. This is already 12345678910 times better than my original. 
> 
> Thank you for understanding, and if you’re new here, come! Join the Steve/Loki whole I can’t get out of.

It felt like he was falling.

Falling and falling, and he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to stop. He doesn’t remember what happened. He doesn’t know his name, or where he came from, or anything else, and perhaps that was for the best. All he knew was pain. 

And falling.

He was so tired of falling.

The name Thor swiped through his memories, and he felt something akin to warmth, but then a face pushed the name away, and fear replaced the pleasantness he was just feeling. 

He didn’t know what the face looked like, but he it gave him an awareness of trepidation, and he knew he recognized it, but he couldn’t see it. 

He was so afraid, and he was tired of being afraid.

He was tired of falling.

He reached for death.

Instead, he was met with hard ground.

Oblivion took him.

...

After Thanos snapped his fingers and decimated half the universe’s population, Steve Rogers decided he needed some time away. He still remembered all too clearly the image of Bucky, his best friend, crumble to dust and ash as the man’s remnants fluttered away in the wind. 

Bucky was not the only one that lost his life that day, but it was the one to send Rogers running. 

Natasha had tried to convince him to stay, but he couldn’t. 

“I just need some time,” he’d told her.

She had wanted to argue, but didn’t. 

She let him go, and his first instinct was to go back to New York. To reunite with his hometown in Brooklyn, but when he got there, he just felt empty so he kept going. 

And going...

And going...

Until he got to the coast of Long Island, a pretty densely populated region of New York. Personally, he wanted to be somewhere with the opposite effect in populace, but given that by the time he got there, he was exhausted, so stayed put.

He was able to purchase a fairly isolated beach home, fully furnished, and he had taken up his time there. It was decent in size, with two bedrooms and two bathrooms, a kitchen, a nice living space, and walk out balcony that offered a view like no other. 

It was the perfect place to get away. Which was all he wanted.

He was currently sitting on a lounge chair on said balcony, having a glass of red wine as he silently listened to the crash of the waves against the shore. 

If anyone were to pass by, they’d think him peaceful. 

He was anything but.

His heart was heavy in chest, as if it weighed down the rest of him, as if it would drag him to the bottom of the ocean were he to go take a dive. 

_ “Steve...” _

He flinched at Bucky’s voice in his mind, nearly dropping his glass, the image of his best friend decaying away in front of him haunting his thoughts. 

He took in a deep breath and held it for a moment, then let it go slowly, tipping the wine glass up to his lips to take a... rather larger sip than he usually would. 

It burned down his throat, and he welcomed it, though he was aware he wouldn’t get the reprieve of drunkenness. 

He listened to the waves a moment longer, finishing the alcohol before standing up from his chair and going to head inside. 

Before he could though, he heard what sounded like an impact against rough sand down below his balcony, and he paused. 

He stayed still, waiting for an attack of some kind, listening closely for signs of trouble. He didn’t have his shield, or any form of defense except for the glass he had in his hand. If a fight were to happen... 

He didn’t need to finish that thought, however. 

As he listened intently, he could hear what sounded like ragged breathing, and he wondered for a moment if it was an animal of some kind, but then felt stupid. He was on the coast, there wouldn’t be an animal. 

It had to be a person. 

Feeling silly, he took careful steps down the wooden stairs to the sand, his glass raised in his defense. 

He followed the sound of the struggled gasps to the under section of the beach house, and saw a man in dark leathers on his side, trembling on the ground. The man’s back was facing him. 

Steve paused, lowering the glass upon realizing this man was in no position to fight. The sand around the man was stained a dark red, though it was very little, making Steve think his wounds couldn’t be too bad.

“Hey,” he said softly, but with intent behind his voice.“You alright?”

More gasps, and Steve thought he tried to hear the man speak, but couldn’t. Steve’s morals were failing him, because concern filled his stomach as he took steps closer to the trembling form, and kneeling down by him. From there he could see long, dark curls spread against the light colored sand, and he knew who it was before he pulled him on to his back.

His heart dropped to his boots. 

“Oh, my God, Loki...”

Loki looked barely conscious, his bruised, blood shot eyes glazed over and out of focus, and Steve felt a small amount of sorrow as he spotted a sliver of fear when they passed over his face. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he spoke quietly. 

Loki was clearly injured in various places, the god’s arms wrapped around his ribs as if they were broken, which Steve imagined they were. 

But what concerned Steve the most were the dark, hand-like bruises on Loki’s neck, black and purple and blues painting him like a canvas. 

And suddenly Steve was remembering words Thor had spoken a few days after the battle. 

He took my brother and crushed his neck...

How was Loki even here? Thor said Thanos killed him.

Steve suspected Loki’s throat was swollen, causing his breaths to come out in struggles. The broken ribs were no help either, he imagined.

He blinked at the god, uncertain of what to do. 

“Okay,” he said, though it sounded more for himself. “I’m going to help you, okay? Just...”

Just what? 

Just stay calm?

Yeah, nice hoping Steve.

Steve gently slipped his arms under Loki’s knees and back, lifting him from the ground and carrying him bridal style. 

He tried to soothe Loki as he made an awful choking sound when he raised him up, his head falling back as if too heavy on his neck. 

He repositioned his hand on his back to the base of his neck and head, supporting the very obviously broken bones within him.

“It’s okay,” he said. 

It wasn’t.

It very much was not okay. 

...

When he got Loki up the stairs and inside, he placed him gently on the bed in the guest room, adjusting the pillows to support the god’s head. 

When he looked down at him, he saw that Loki was now completely unconscious, though his breaths still came out in scratchy exhales.

Steve was not stupid, however. He knew Loki was dangerous, but he didn’t have any form of restraints anywhere. He imagined Loki couldn’t fight even if he wanted to. 

He left that alone, for now.

However, Loki was still bleeding from a few cuts along his face, and there was dirt coating his body. 

Steve bit his lip, considering something and then went to the kitchen to fill a bucket with warm water, grabbing a soft cloth and heading back to the bedroom. 

He knew he was freaking out a little bit, and it was then he realized how loud and hard his heart was beating in his chest. 

He was extremely out of his depth. 

He thought about calling Thor, or even Natasha, but decided against it. 

Loki was still unconscious when he entered again, but his features seemed less tense, like he’d relaxed a little. 

The captain grabbed a chair, and pulled it up to the side of the bed where Loki lay, and began gently cleaning the dirt and dried blood away from his face. 

Loki didn’t twitch or stir when Steve’s cloth brushed against his skin, and he couldn’t help but be grateful for that. He was sure he would have to deal with a very panicky Loki once he awoke, but right now, it was quiet.

Once the god’s face was as clean as he could manage it, he moved to the man’s hands, which were caked and dirt and grime. 

He cleaned the left hand, then reached over for the right hand, and when he lifted it he realized it was very much broken at the wrist. He winced, and wiped it as tenderly as he could. 

“What the hell happened to you,” he asked out loud. 

Loki didn’t respond of course, and Steve saw then just how pale Loki was, his dark hair making his skin look deathly pale, exposing the dark circles under his eyes. His skin seemed too loose against his gaunt features, his chapped lips almost blue. 

Steve leaned back in his chair, and waited.

...

He waited nearly six hours before Loki even stirred. 

Steve moved to the edge of his seat, his hands gently placing themselves on Loki’s arm, as if trying to convey safety. 

He could see Loki visibly struggling to wake, his eyes fluttering behind his lids, his lips trembling as if trying to form words that he wouldn’t be able to speak. 

“Easy,” Steve soothed. “You’re safe.”

Loki’s chest rattled, and Steve winced. He could tell Loki was in pain. He saw his adam’s apple bob underneath swollen skin as he swallowed, watching Loki’s eyes tighten as if it hurt. 

Loki clenched his jaw, working it for a moment before releasing that tension, his attention then meeting at his hands. He flexed and fisted them a few times, but Steve saw him struggle with his right hand, those broken bones causing some trial. 

Finally, Steve saw Loki’s eyes open to slits, and he saw that same animal fear he did outside. He squeezed Loki’s arms where his hands rested, and awareness fought in his gaze. 

“Nng,” he heard Loki try to speak, but he cut off, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. 

“I wouldn’t try to talk,” Steve suggested. “Or move, for that matter.”

Loki swallowed with conflict again, but reopened his eyes, staring straight ahead. There was something there Steve couldn’t pinpoint. 

“Loki?”

Loki waited, but slid his gaze to Steve’s without moving his head. Steve couldn’t read his expression. 

“Listen,” he prompted. “I know you’re tired, and I’m sure you’re confused. But I need you to stay calm.”

Loki’s eyes seemed to say,  I am calm.

“Good,” Steve breathed out, a little awkwardly. “You’re injured.”

Good on pointing out the obvious, he thought to himself. 

Loki clenched his jaw again and looked away, but Steve could see the man _was _ indeed calm, however tense in pain he was. 

Steve felt a tickle then, in his mind, and he blinked shaking his head. He looked back at Loki, who’s eyes were back on him with an expression that seemingly tried to convey an understanding. 

Steve frowned, feeling the tickle again. “Loki, what are you...” he stopped when Loki’s expression intensified. 

Oh, he thought stupidly. 

“Is that you?”

Loki gave him a look as if to say  _ I can’t particularly respond, can I? _

“Right,” he exhaled. 

He nodded, giving Loki permission. 

He felt it again, but this time he didn’t fight against it. After a moment, Loki was speaking to him in his head. 

_ Where am I? _

He hesitated, clearing his throat. “You’re on Earth, but I think you know that.”

_ I meant a little more specifically... _

Steve grimaced at the sarcasm in his tone, but answered, “Long Island, New York.”

_I see_,  was all he responded with. 

Steve hesitated again, but leaned forward slightly, and Loki glanced at him at the movement. “Loki, what the hell happened?”

Loki blinked, and something flickered in his eyes that was too similar to fear for Steve’s comfort.  _I am not sure_.

The captain opened his mouth to speak, but found he didn’t know what to say. 

When he saw Loki’s distress seemingly growing he swallowed and said, “You’re safe here.”

Loki swallowed too, face tightening in pain. He didn’t respond though. 

Reluctantly, Steve licked his lips and took a dive. “Thor said you died.”

Loki twitched slightly.  _That is accurate_.

“I didn’t assume it wasn’t.”

Tension was setting in Loki’s posture by the minute, and Steve didn’t know what to do. 

_I do not mean to cause any trouble_,  and it sounded honest in his head. 

“I believe you,” he said softly. He chuckled slightly, trying at a joking tone. “I don’t think you could even if you wanted to in your position.”

_I suppose so_.

It was silent after that for a while.

Steve watched Loki closely, studying him. He seemed to be barely hanging on by a thread, panic settling in him like it was going to take him over any second now. Steve wanted to tell him it was okay, but the captain couldn’t make his voice work. 

Loki spoke before he could. 

_ Is Thor...? _

He didn’t seem to be able to finish the thought, and Steve knew what he was asking. “Thor is alive.”

Loki seemed to deflate a little then, as if in relief.  _Good_,  he said.

He could see Loki’s eyelids dropping ever so slightly, and he let go of the god’s arms. Something stirred in Steve’s chest, and it was something close to sympathy. “Rest some more, Loki. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

_ Almost never...  _ Loki’s voice whispered in his head, and it faded away when he fell back into unconsciousness. 

Steve released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and leaned back in his chair. He brought a hand through his hair, and he shivered slightly. 

This was crazy. This was absolutely crazy. 

It was the last thing he needed. 

But it was obvious that statement was quite the opposite for Loki. 

The thought to call someone zapped through his thoughts again, but he pushed it away. For now, he could deal with it. He didn’t want to cause panic for anyone, and maybe especially Loki. 

He bit the inside of his cheek, and released another breath. 

He thought about what to do next.


End file.
